Good Morning Everyone,
Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”
Our Bible verse for today: “So he (Caleb) said, ‘Isn’t he rightly named Jacob? For he has cheated me twice now.” Genesis 27:36 (HCSB)
Our thought for today: “We must place strict boundaries on the manipulators in our lives.”
Jacob was one of the patriarchs of the Old Testament. It was from him that the twelve tribes of Israel came. But the primary thing Jacob is remembered for is that he was a manipulator of people. He was cunning and a bit devious and he was always quietly maneuvering behind the scenes to advance his own interests – usually to the detriment of those closest to him. As a result, Jacob brought upon himself and his loved ones years of suffering.
Do you have a Jacob in your life, someone who has a habit of being deceptive; someone who is always scheming; always seems to have a slightly unbelievable story; and who can’t really be trusted? Often such persons are close family members who we love and who we want to help, but who over time have lost our trust and burned all their bridges. With such people we have to have firm boundaries to protect ourselves from their manipulations. We have to be tough.
In their book “Boundaries” John Townsend and Henry Cloud label such people as “Controllers”, they are determined to gain control over the people around them in order to get what they want. Controllers come in two basic varieties, “Aggressive Controllers” and “Manipulative Controllers”. Aggressive controllers don’t even make a pretense of respecting your boundaries. They are often verbally and sometimes physically abusive. They try to get what they want from you by means of fear and intimidation. The boundaries needed with them are often physical and legal. We’re talking about locked doors, restraining orders, and perhaps jail time.
Manipulative controllers are much more subtle. They often have friendly and engaging personalities, and they usually try to give the impression that they care deeply about you and fully respect the boundaries you have established. But all the while they’re working their way around your boundaries, often coming in through the back door of your heart. In the end they walk away with the keys to your car, or a check for this month’s rent, or whatever else they were seeking. The boundaries needed to deal with the manipulative controller usually consist of a firm “no” and then sticking to it.
The Jacob of the Bible never really learned his lesson. There were times in his life when he was a little better than at other times, but right to the end he gives the impression of being self-absorbed, selfish, whiny, and putting himself before others. If you have a Jacob in your life you may find that the only thing you can do is establish firm boundaries to protect yourself them. Sometimes you will just have to be tough with them and then stick to it.
God Bless,
Pastor Jim
Oak Hill Baptist Church 