Good Morning Everyone,
Our theme for this month: “Family”
Our Bible verse for today: “Now, instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.” 2 Corinthians 2:7-8 (NIV)
Our thought for today: “Leave a door open for reconciliation and restoration.”
I know a man whose son has a long history of drug abuse, petty crimes, and repeated stays in jail. Finally, after years of such behavior, the man completely cut his son out of his life. He has shut the door on that relationship and has refused to have any contact of any kind with his son for many years now. And, he has left no pathway back for the young man. It appears that the father has left no possibility for reconciliation.
I know of another family who, many years ago, had an adult child admit to being gay. They were devastated by the news and urged the person to change. The person didn’t change and so eventually the family severed the relationship with the person. That was decades ago and the relationship is still broken.
In 1983 Dr James Dobson, Christian psychologist and founder of Focus on the Family, wrote what has become a classic book in Christian literature. The title was “Tough Love” and the point of the book is that when someone we love is behaving in unacceptable ways, sometimes our love for them has to be demonstrated in tough ways. Often it is only through increasing degrees of discipline and consequences that a person’s attention is finally grabbed and their unacceptable behaviors are corrected.
Tough love is not only good but it’s also often necessary. The worse an individual’s behavior is and the longer it goes on, the more severe the consequences need to be. But sometimes tough love can go too far. Tough love is designed to correct and restore, not to condemn and shut out. Even in extreme cases, situations where the behavior is so inappropriate or dangerous that most or even all contact must be severed, there must still be an open door that allows for potential reconciliation and restoration in the future. Let me say it again, “Tough love is designed to correct and restore, not to condemn and shut out.”
This right here is where so many families and groups dealing with a seriously dysfunctional individual go wrong. In anger and frustration their response becomes over-the-top severe and ends up doing more damage than good. Yes, you may succeed in getting the dysfunctional individual and their unacceptable behavior out of your life for the moment, but it could also result in them being out of your life forever.
In 2 Corinthians 2:7-8 the Apostle Paul was writing about a man who had been intentionally and unrepentantly involved in sinful behavior that could not be ignored. After attempts at rebuke and correction from the church family did not resolve the problem, the man had to be dismissed from the fellowship of the church. But as we read in these verses, the door was still open for him to return to the fellowship. It was never the intent for him to be permanently banished.
This needs to be true in our families and groups too. Sometimes an individual may behave in ways that are totally unacceptable and which cannot be tolerated. And it is very possible that the individual could be unrepentant and uncooperative. That then must lead to increasing degrees of tough love – and rightly so.
But we have to be sure we don’t allow the situation to deteriorate to the point that we leave no path home for the person. The door must always remain open. People can change, hearts can melt, attitudes can soften, and so the opportunity for reconciliation and restoration must always exist. There are no throw-away people. Everyone can be saved and restored.
God Bless,
Pastor Jim
Oak Hill Baptist Church 