Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Proverbs 13:24 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Sometimes what’s needed is “tough love”.

 

Many years ago Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family coined the phrase “Tough Love”. Tough Love is a parenting concept which teaches that when we love someone we sometimes must be tough with them for their own good. With respect to children, they need firm boundaries in order to learn right from wrong, and they need to experience discipline when they violate those boundaries. If the parent fails to discipline the child when needed, the parent has failed in their role as teacher, mentor, and trainer. Sometimes tough love is the highest form of love.

 

But the concept of tough love doesn’t just apply to the parent/child relationship. It actually spans the spectrum of relationships and ages. Whether we’re dealing with a minor child, an adult child, a spouse, a relative, a friend, or a co-worker, sometimes tough love is needed, and failure on our part to initiate that tough love translates into enabling bad behavior.

 

In recent years I’ve been devoting a lot of time to working with men in various levels of incarceration, helping them to break free from the endless cycle of drugs, crime, jail, and then repeating the sequence. A helpful book on the subject was written by Donald Smarto entitled “Keeping Ex-Offenders Free!” In one section he writes about applying “tough love” in our efforts to help ex-offenders get their lives turned around:

 

“The type of structure the church needs to provide ex-offenders is not unlike that provided by parental authority. Love must nurture and understand, but it must also provide boundaries, limits, and standards. The parent who never communicates values to the child, who never says no, is not helping the child grow. Without guidelines, the child drifts into an environment without boundaries and fails to develop mature values and a sense of responsibility.”

 

Smarto concludes with this: “Real love for ex-offenders must include discipline. But discipline does not concern itself merely with punishment. That is a common misconception. The word discipline has at its root the word disciple, which means to show people the right way through example and modeling.”

 

Regardless of the relationship we’re talking about, clear and firmly established boundaries, the enforcement of those boundaries, and appropriate consequences when those boundaries have been violated, is actually one of the highest forms of loving someone. For us to do less for them is to fail them.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 4:1-2 (NIV)

 

Our thought for today: “Boundaries are Biblical”

 

The idea of establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries is Biblical and is woven all throughout Scripture. God Himself is a God of boundaries. In the Bible He defines for us exactly who and what He is, and what He is not. He is holy, which means He is not unholy. He is light, and therefore He is not darkness. He also tells us what is acceptable to Him and what is not. Righteous behavior is acceptable but sinfulness is not. Sincere and genuine worship pleases Him but empty religious ritual does not.

 

This is the God who also created the universe and established its limits. He is the one who created the boundaries for the oceans, and the limits of physics. In short, boundaries are good and needed. The idea of boundaries comes from God Himself.

 

That being the case – since good and appropriate boundaries were God’s idea to begin with, it’s essential that our lives to be lived within good boundaries. We need proper boundaries to govern our personal conduct, and we need appropriate boundaries for others when their conduct impacts our lives. We need to establish appropriate boundaries for things such as sleep, recreation, work, and more. How much is enough, how much is too little, and how much is too much? We even need to have personal nutritional boundaries. Again, how many calories are enough and how many are too many? How much junk food is ok, and when have we crossed the line into overindulging?

 

I’m not suggesting that we should become compulsive about structure, rules, and guidelines (although most of us could probably benefit from being just a little OCD in this respect). My point is that boundaries are important. They are good and needed and even Biblical. Boundaries are God’s idea.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (HCSB) … “For each person will have to carry his own load.” Galatians 6:5 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Responsible “to” or responsible “for”?

 

This morning I want to continue our discussion from yesterday regarding how much we are to buy into other people’s problems. This is important because it’s often a matter of confusion for many Christians. Sometimes we’re so eager to help others that we cross the line into enabling bad behavior or carrying burdens for people that they really should be carrying for themselves (and there are plenty of people who are more than happy for us to carry their burdens for them).

 

Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer some helpful advice about this in their book “Boundaries”. In a section which helps to clarify the difference between being responsible “to” someone and being responsible “for” someone, they discuss the apparent contradiction we find in what Paul wrote in the verses from Galatians chapter six cited above. Their explanation is helpful so I will summarize it for our purposes here:

 

We are responsible to others and for ourselves. “Carry one another’s burdens,” says Galatians 6:2, “in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” This verse shows our responsibility “to” one another.” What that means is that sometimes people have burdens that are too big for them to bear alone. They don’t have enough strength, or resources, or knowledge to carry that load themselves and therefore they need some help for a little while. It’s something they simply cannot do alone and therefore our assistance is not only appropriate, but it’s also a demonstration of the love of Christ.

 

But then on the other hand, verse five tells us that each person is also responsible for carrying their own load. This means that the burdens and problems in question are the responsibility of that individual and that they are within that person’s ability to deal with on their own. That person does or should have the strength, resources, and knowledge to handle this, and therefore they should handle it for themselves. If a person is capable of handling an issue or problem themselves, but you and I step in and handle it for them, or we provide them more assistance than is appropriate, we have crossed the line into enabling.

 

At different times each of us encounters situations in life that we simply cannot handle alone. That’s where our responsibility “to” each other kicks in. We are to help one another carry those burdens. But most of the difficulties people encounter in life don’t fall into that category. Most of the things people are faced with are things they can handle themselves and therefore they should. That’s what verse five means. We are responsible “for” ourselves and we should each be carrying our own load to the greatest extent possible.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

 

Our thought for today: “Protect your heart.”

 

In their book “Boundaries” Henry Cloud and John Townsend help us to understand what a boundary looks like and when one is needed. They write of how physical boundaries are easily discernable because they are visible. So whether we’re talking about a fence, a wall, a hedge, or a moat filled with alligators, it’s easy to determine where the boundary is and whether or not it’s okay to cross it.

 

Spiritual boundaries are a little tougher to discern but can actually be even more important than physical ones. Take the heart for example. In Proverbs 4:23 Solomon warns us of the need to guard it. We have to erect boundaries and make decisions about who or what gets into our heart, and then how deeply.

 

In one section of the book they write about knowing the difference between “Me and Not Me”. They explain that a good boundary helps me to understand where I end and where someone else begins. It helps me to know what issues and problems I do own, and therefore am responsible for, and what is not mine.

 

This doesn’t mean that we don’t care and it doesn’t mean that we won’t help. But we all know people who do in fact want us to own their problems. They want us to buy into and even take responsibility for their stuff. But that’s where the distinction between “Me and Not Me” becomes so important. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours. I can help you with your problems and you can help me with mine, but we each need to own what is ours.

 

Such boundaries give us the freedom to say, “I love you and I care about you, and I will even help you (to a reasonable degree and without crossing the line into enabling bad behavior), but I cannot live your life for you and I will not own your problems.”

 

Make sure you guard your heart because it is the spring from which all of the rest of life flows. When we allow people and their issues into our heart we quickly become involved at an emotional level. That’s ok, to a degree. But we do need to be smart about who we will allow in like that, and how deeply. Remember, no matter how much you love someone and how much you care about them, you can’t live their life for them and you should not own their problems.

 

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Losing your sense of humor is a warning sign.”

 

In his book “The Insanity of God” author Nik Ripkin writes about what it’s like for missionaries who minister for long periods of time in dangerous locations. He explains that a hostile environment and difficult circumstances take a toll on those serving there and over time, those missionaries begin to burn out.  Those who have been appointed to lead and supervise missionaries in those situations have been trained to watch for certain clues which help to reveal that the missionary is reaching a condition of overload and is in need of relief. One of those clues is humor. When a person begins to lose their sense of humor, when they can no longer smile and laugh, it’s time for a break. Nik writes:

 

“Humor is a powerful indicator of psychological health … When our workers found it impossible to see and respond to humor, it was clear that they were in serious need of emotional relief and healing. When that happened, it was time to retreat and recover.”

 

The same is true for us. When the pressures of life get to the point that we become grumpy, snippy, even depressed; when we can no longer laugh at ourselves and at our situations; when smiling becomes an effort and nothing seems funny anymore; it’s time for some emotional relief.

 

You may not feel like a break is possible. You might think you don’t have the time, or the money, or someone to watch the kids, or to take care of your responsibilities for you. But the truth is that you have to find a way to take that break anyway. Because if you don’t, you could end up like those missionaries who were so stressed and drained that they were burned out. When it gets to that point if you don’t take a break and take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of others.

 

When your sense of humor starts to go, that’s a pretty good clue that you’ve had all you can take and it’s time for a break.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.” Matthew 6:33 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Quality of life is more important than quantity of possessions.”

 

Many years ago I learned one of the most important lessons of my life. At that time I was a Naval Officer serving as the Chief Engineer on a naval warship. As a Department Head, in charge of the largest department on the ship, I was two steps below the Commanding Officer in the chain-of-command. If I had continued my career in the Navy my next promotion would have made me an Executive Officer and after that, Commanding Officer of my own ship. So my career was going well.

 

But I was tired. At that point I had spent almost twenty years in the Navy. Much of that time had been spent away from home. My two oldest children grew-up with me gone much of the time. Now, if I were to continue with my career, it would mean more years at sea and my two youngest children would grow-up without me too. So I decided to cut my career short and retire from the Navy. I had no idea what I would do instead, but I was a Christian by then and I knew God had a call on my life, so I stepped out in faith and retired.

 

It was the dumbest financial decision I ever made. In the twenty-five years since then I have never come close to earning the salary I was getting back then. And let’s not even talk about the money I would have made had I continued getting promotions and climbing that ladder of success. And then there’s the issue of what my retirement pay would have been had I stayed in the Navy another ten years and retired at a higher pay grade.

 

But I wouldn’t change that decision even if I could. After I left the Navy I discovered I suddenly had the time to do all the things a husband and father was supposed to do, and I loved it. Then the Lord sent me to seminary and has allowed me to be the Pastor of two wonderful churches in California and now another in Tennessee. Beyond that, He has given me the privilege of leading humanitarian relief teams on mission trips to places all around the world.

 

As I look back now I realize that although there was a big financial price to be paid, the overall quality of my life actually skyrocketed and I ended up with a much better life than I would have had if I had continued pursuing the military promotions and the higher salaries.

 

I would like to claim that I was wise enough and spiritually mature enough at the time to have planned this all out in advance, but I wasn’t. It all happened because Matthew 6:33 is true. I simply had a general sense of what I believed the Lord wanted me to do and I then stepped out in faith. God took care of the rest. As a result I can tell you from personal experience that quality of life is far more important than quantity of possessions.

 

Our lives often become defined by a relentless pursuit of career success and financial security. But those things don’t necessarily give us a good quality of life. In fact, often the exact opposite is true. Don’t be afraid to trust God and follow His lead, even if it doesn’t seem to make sense in worldly terms.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Give up when you should, but not when you shouldn’t.”

 

When we fail to establish good boundaries events and activities begin bleeding over and interfering with each other. We also can find that we’re trying to do so many things that we end up doing lots of things poorly rather than doing anything particularly well. In addition to being ineffective, that’s also discouraging and it can cause us to give up on things that are good and important, and which need to be continued.

 

Setting good and proper boundaries means we have to prioritize. It means we have to distinguish between those things which are truly important and those which are not. We have to say “no” to those less important things which take us away from, or interfere with, the more important ones.

 

This is what Paul was referring to in Galatians 6:9. He wasn’t suggesting that we need to continue trying to do everything and never give up on anything. The implication is that we must identify those things which truly do matter, and then do whatever it takes to make sure that we do not give up on them.

 

But other activities, which are less important and therefore might be getting in the way of the more important stuff, must be let go of. Too many competing activities will wear you out and make you tired. That then will cause you to want to give up – perhaps on things that should not be given up on.

 

The promise in this verse is that if we will do what it takes to stay focused on what matters, without giving up, in due season we will reap a bountiful harvest. The key is to prioritize. Say “no” to those things which really aren’t that important, stay focused on those which are, and then just keep on keeping on.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2 (HCSB)

 

Why is it so important to establish appropriate boundaries in our lives? Why must we be intentional and firm about limiting the amount of activity we engage in, and refusing to allow other people to fill our lives with their priorities and expectations? There are many good reasons.

 

For one thing, when we have too much going on then our life begins to look like the proverbial five pound bag filled with ten pounds of stuff. Everything is spilling over the edges. For another, there’s the issue of quality over quantity. If we have too much going on at once, we end up doing lots of things poorly rather than a few things well. This also touches on the issue of superficiality over depth. The more we have going on, the more superficial our involvement with that person or that event will necessarily have to be.

 

But there’s another even more important reason for good boundaries and extra space in our lives. It’s a matter of spiritual growth. When we’re living life at a frantic pace, with our bodies and minds racing from one thing to another, there’s not much time to think about God, to read our Bibles, or to pray.

 

The transformation and renewal that Paul was calling us to in Romans 12:2 happens mostly in the quiet times. It occurs when we have created a good amount of quiet space for ourselves where we regularly spend time with God. Remember the “buffer zones of quiet inactivity” I referred to in yesterday’s devotional? This is it. This needs to be regular and protected time. This is where you regain your sanity, where your mind is purged and purified from the pollution of the world, and it’s where you meet with God privately – just you and Him. Think of it as your happy place. It’s also helpful to think of it as your daily appointment with God. He will be there. He will be waiting. So don’t stand Him up.

 

Without question this is the most important boundary you can establish in your life. Nothing will benefit you more than the time you spend alone with God, and therefore nothing should be allowed to intrude upon this time.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

 

Our thought for today: “We need peace and quiet.”

 

One of the greatest needs for most Christians today is periods of simple peace and quiet. For most of us life is seldom truly peaceful and quiet. The alarm goes off, we pop out of bed, and we’re off to the races. Our days are usually filled with jobs and school and chores, along with plenty of demands and expectations placed on us by others.

 

Several years ago I wrote an article entitled “Room for the Singing of Angels” (you can read it at http://www.JimMersereauBooks.com). In that article I explained that many Christians fill their lives right to the outer edges with as much activity as they can possibly squeeze in, often even spilling over beyond what they can really handle. Instead of allowing that, I argue for intentionally establishing a buffer zone of quiet inactivity. In other words, all the activity needs to stop well short of the outer edges of your life, and in-between the end of the activity and the outer edge of what you can tolerate in your life, there needs to be a buffer zone of quiet and peace and rest.

 

Then there’s the issue of noise. We live in a noisy world – much of it of our own making. In many households the television or radio comes on almost as soon as we get out of bed. In the car, more noise. At work, more still. When was the last time you experienced real quietness? I’m talking about a deep and profound stillness where no manmade noise can be heard.

 

We need this. More than we realize. That’s why in Psalm 46:10 God tells us to stop all the activity, turn off all the noise, and just be still. He doesn’t want us to do anything, He doesn’t want us to say anything, He wants us to be quiet – just be still and sit there with Him for a while.

 

When it comes to establishing appropriate boundaries in our lives, we have to be intentional and firm about making the activity and the noise stop for a while. We need peace and quiet. We need to be still and know that He is God.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

 

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” Psalm 16:6 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “God has boundary lines for us in pleasant places.”

 

King David was a content man. As he considered his life he decided that he truly was blessed and that the boundary lines of his life, which God had established, were pleasant to him. If you go back to verse five you will find that David affirmed that it was God Himself who was his portion, his blessing, and it was God who held David’s future. It was all from God.

 

This is an important understanding for us. It’s God who establishes the proper boundaries for our lives, and I’m not just talking about Biblical boundaries. While it’s certainly true that the Bible provides us with the boundary lines for living a holy life, in this case David was referring to more than that. His family, the profession he was employed in, the income he enjoyed, the possessions he owned, the skills and abilities he had, all of it was an inheritance from the Lord and he was happy with it.

 

The truth is that God has a life sketched-out for each of us that is defined by boundary lines He Himself decided what would be good and appropriate for us. The problem is that many of us don’t seek, and then remain content with, the life God wants for us. Either we’re lazy and we don’t fulfill our God-given potential, or we’re not content and so we strive and strain and constantly reach for more and more and more.

 

The key is to live within the God-ordained boundaries for our lives. This takes wisdom. It is discovered primarily through prayer, Bible study, considering the circumstances of our lives (including historical circumstances that led us to where we are in life now), and from the counsel of wise friends and mentors. It also requires that we learn to be content with whatever God wants for us. For some of us that will involve ramping it up and getting off our duffs. But for most of us it will probably involve backing it down a bit, perhaps downsizing and simplifying our lives.

 

Throughout this month we’re considering the issue of the God-ordained boundaries for our individual lives, and we’ll explore different ways to discover and achieve them. But as a starting point we need to be in prayer asking God to help us see and understand the boundaries He has chosen for us. We will be happiest when we are able to say along with David, “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.”

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim