Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies are never ending. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness! I say: The Lord is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:22-24 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “The past is past, let it go.”

 

Some of the angriest people I have ever known are those who live in the past. They cling to past hurts and injustices and refuse to let them go. They think about them, brood over them, revisit the scenes in their mind over and over again, and essentially relive those bad times repeatedly.

 

And to what end? The past is past. It cannot be changed. Brooding about it doesn’t make the past better it only makes the present worse. It brings yesterday’s pain and sorrow into today.

 

Doing that makes you sad and grumpy and it results in other people not enjoying your presence very much. For the most part, we either attract people with our demeanor or we push them away. A bright and happy person is fun to be around and therefore tends to attract people. A sad and grumpy person is not fun to be around and therefore is usually avoided by others. When a person insists on living in the past, brooding about past hurts and disappointments, it darkens their personality, causes them to be sad and grumpy, fuels anger, and poisons relationships.

 

There’s no need for a Christian to live in the past. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 the Apostle Paul teaches that if you are in Christ you are a new creation. The slate has been wiped clean by God and you have a new life.

 

In Lamentations 3:22-24 Jeremiah reminds us that even in the midst of the deepest and darkest times God’s love for us is faithful; His mercies to us never end; everyday brings new blessings and new opportunities; and therefore we can and should put our trust in God for a good day today and for a bright future tomorrow.

 

Last night in my reading I came across a reference to Anne Frank, the young Jewish girl who spent more than a year and a half locked away in a small room with her family as they hid from the Nazis. During that time she kept a diary that has since become famous under the title “The Diary of Anne Frank”.

 

What’s remarkable about the things she recorded during that time is the upbeat tone and the constant words of hope. As hard as it was to live in such a small space for such a long time, Anne refused to give into despondency and regret. She refused to complain about her circumstances and she made it a point – as a matter of choice – to be happy and upbeat. At one point she wrote, “I don’t deny the reality of our situation. But I do deny the finality of it. This too shall pass.”

 

And that’s a good place for us to end this morning, “This too shall pass”. Whatever happened in your past is over and can’t be changed. Whatever you’re dealing with today is temporary, and it too will pass. Being angry about any of it just makes things worse. So give it to God and let it go.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you today that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curses. Choose life so that you and your descendants may live, love the Lord your God, obey Him, and remain faithful to Him. For He is your life …” Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “You are not a victim. You are responsible for the consequences of your choices.”

 

For many people a common source of unresolved anger is the notion that they’ve been treated unfairly and other people are responsible for their circumstances. That’s a loser’s game and it’s guaranteed to cause more harm than good. Other people may play a role in contributing to our circumstances, but ultimately each of us is responsible for the choices we make and for the consequences of those choices.

 

There are few concepts taught more frequently or emphatically in the Bible. Over and over again God’s messengers have urged God’s people to think carefully about their choices and to make choices that are consistent with God’s will – then own the consequences of your choices. That’s the point Moses was making to the nation of Israel in Deuteronomy 30:19-20. “You made your choices in the past and you are therefore responsible for your circumstances in the present.”

 

This is truer than we realize. Sometimes it’s obvious – like if you haven’t taken good care of yourself in the past and therefore now have serious health problems in the present. So don’t get mad at the doctors because they’re not doing a good enough job of fixing your problem. You caused this so now you need to take the steps to fix it. Likewise, if you’ve had bad money management practices in the past and therefore you’re now facing bankruptcy. That’s your fault. Don’t be mad at the world, be mad at yourself.

 

Sometimes this truth is a little less obvious but it’s still true none-the-less. Are you unhappy with your job? Well, why do you have that job to begin with? It’s because you made choices in the past about how much or how little education you would have, and in which field of training. You made choices about which companies or organizations you would apply to. You made choices over the years of whether to stay with this job or to seek another. You have the job you have today because of the choices you have made in the past. Own your choices; take responsibility for your situation; and deal with it Biblically.

 

Is your spouse behaving badly? Their behavior may be 100% their fault and 0% your fault but it’s still true that at some point in the past you made a choice to bring this person into your life. So now you have to deal with the consequences of that choice. It does not mean that you shouldn’t be angry with them for their inappropriate behavior, you should be. But it does mean that this person is in your life to begin with because you allowed them to be. It was your choice. Now deal with the consequences of that choice in a Biblical manner.

 

It may be true that other people may have contributed to your present circumstances but still, it’s your life and therefore your responsibility. Don’t allow yourself to be eaten-up with simmering anger and resentment. That will only make things worse.

 

Deal with whatever the situation is and deal with it in a Biblical manner. Make changes if you need to. Set a new course for your life if you believe that’s called for; but don’t get caught in the trap of blaming others and of being angry because you believe they’re responsible for your situation. It’s your life; you need to own it.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’, ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37 (NIV)

 

Our thought for today: “Use words that are true and accurate.”

 

One of the most damaging things we can do in a heated discussion is to use inaccurate speech, broad generalizations, or exaggeration. When we allow our speech to be driven by our emotions we will often end up using extreme language that exaggerates what is really happening, and that will serve to fuel anger on both sides.

 

Usually this happens because a person feels the need to try to present a stronger and more convincing case than what they really have. That leads them to use strong language and to portray things in extreme terms which don’t accurately describe what the situation really is. This in turn will frustrate and anger the other person, and the situation escalates.

 

Worse still, as emotions continue to heat up and as the person tries harder and harder to assert their case, in their own mind the speaker might actually begin to believe that their situation really is as bad as their exaggerated words claim. This is known as mythical thinking, accepting as true something that is in fact false. If you say something often enough, and if you want it to be true badly enough, you will eventually convince yourself that it is true.

 

To this Jesus says, “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’, ‘No’”.

 

In other words, “Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t use untrue, misleading, exaggerated, or extreme language in an attempt to make your case seem more convincing than what it is. Stick to what is actually true.”

 

Mythical thinking, broad generalizations, and exaggerated descriptions usually contain an element of truth. But it’s an element of truth that has been stretched and distorted to the point of being illogical, unreasonable, and unhelpful. That then fuels angry confrontations.

 

And also, it’s sinful. Whenever we exaggerate the truth we have crossed the line into lying – and lying is a sin. Either what you are saying is true and accurate to the best of your understanding, or it isn’t. And if it isn’t, then it’s a lie. Even if it contains an element of truth, if you are intentionally describing it in any way other than how it really is, you have entered into the realm of untruth, and that’s no different from lying.

 

One of the best strategies we can utilize in situations that have the potential to get heated and to spawn anger, is to speak calmly and truthfully. Let your “yes” be “yes”, and your “no”, “no”. Say what you mean, mean what you say, be truthful, be accurate, and don’t let angry emotion drive your speech.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “This is why I am writing these things while absent, that when I am there I will not use severity, in keeping with the authority the Lord gave me for building up and not for tearing down.” 2 Corinthians 13:10 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Put it in a letter.”

 

Paul’s letters known as 1 and 2 Corinthians essentially amount to a spiritual spanking. The Christians in Corinth were a mess. As a church and as a community of believers they had drifted far from God’s standards. As we read about it it’s hard to believe some of the things they were involved in, all the while claiming the name of Christian.

 

So Paul wrote them a couple of very stern letters which were designed to get their attention. He wanted them to think deeply about the situations they were involved in and to change their behavior. In 2 Corinthians 13:10 Paul explained that the reason he wrote to them about these things was so that hopefully by the time he sat down with them face-to-face, much of it would already have been worked out.

 

What Paul models for us in 1 and 2 Corinthians is actually a great strategy for dealing with difficult situations that have the potential to become heated conflicts. Put it in a letter to the person first. But before you send the letter to them, spend a lot of time editing and rewriting, making sure the letter accurately expresses your concerns and does so in the proper tone. Then ask the person to think carefully about what you have written, and invite them to respond to you in writing so you can spend time carefully considering their response. Then meet face-to-face to discuss the situation.

 

President Abraham Lincoln frequently used this approach when he had a difficult and potentially unpleasant issue he needed to address with someone. Very often he would attempt to work through the situation with them in writing first, and then follow that up with a face-to-face meeting.

 

The reason this approach can be so effective is because in heated, spontaneous, face-to-face conversations the speech of the people involved is often being driven by emotion rather than reason. Therefore words are being spoken without any real thought being given to whether or not the words are appropriate or helpful.

 

But if you write about it first, and then spend sufficient time rereading and rewriting the letter from reason rather than emotion, you will make your case much more clearly and reasonably. Likewise, the other person will have lots of time to read and reread your letter and to give thought to what you have said.

 

Talking to people in-person is important, especially if there is a conflict going on or if the potential for conflict exists. But working through it in writing first can go a long way towards taking all the emotion out of it. That then will help to prevent misunderstanding and guard against unkind words. Putting it in a letter can be a great way to keep anger out of your communication with someone.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)

 

Our thought for today: “Be willing to overlook offenses”

 

The ability to overlook and shrug off an offense is a measure of spiritual maturity. The more thin-skinned a person is, and the easier they allow themselves to be offended, the less spiritually mature that person is. As Paul writes in Galatians 5:22-23, “The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

 

“Patience”, “gentleness”, “self-control”, those are the marks of a spiritually mature man or woman who has a healthy relationship with God. Usually when a person is quick to take offense it’s because down deep that person is insecure and immature in their faith. The thought of being criticized or in any way demeaned is more than they can take and so they get angry. Conversely, the healthier the person’s self-image, the less vulnerable that person is to perceived slights and criticism. The one who truly understands their value in God’s eyes, is not easily offended by people.

 

However, it’s still true that when dealing with an emotionally heated situation it’s important not to personalize it. A conflict with another person is almost always a disagreement about ideas, opinions, or desired outcomes. Keep it on that level. Don’t allow anger to personalize the conflict by using unkind remarks and unfair observations which in any way demean the other person.

 

And if you find yourself on the receiving end of such remarks, refuse to take the bait! Remember that your value as a person comes from God’s opinion of you, not the other person’s. And the fact that the other person is allowing their anger to lead them into personalizing the conflict with unkind remarks is simply a glaring indicator of a spiritual problem on their part. Don’t descend to their level by being spiritually immature yourself.

Just because the other person chose to personalize the issue, doesn’t mean that you have to too.

 

The lesson Proverbs 19:11 teaches is that it’s admirable when a person has patience and is willing to shrug off an offense (both real and perceived offenses). It’s also a sign that that person has learned how to handle anger in a healthy and constructive way.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “The intelligent person restrains his words, and one who keeps a cool head is a man of understanding. Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent, discerning when he seals his lips.” Proverbs 17:27-28 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Constant interrupting fuels angry conversations.”

 

I’ll confess that I don’t like to be interrupted. In conversations I try to make it a point to let the other person speak first, and I try to really listen to what they’re saying without interrupting them. But then when it’s my turn to talk I expect them to give me the same courtesy and to really listen – and to keep listening until I’m done speaking. Interrupting someone is rude. It means you’re more interested in what you have to say than in what they have to say.

 

I don’t usually get angry when someone keeps interrupting, but I do get annoyed, (and that is a subtle form of anger). Usually I’ll handle it by just allowing the person to have the floor once again and to do all the talking until they run out of steam. Then I’ll try again.

 

But if they keep interrupting me then I’ll usually try to deal with their constant interruptions in a positive way. I do that by gently pointing out to them that I have patiently listened to everything they had to say and I did it without interrupting them. Now I would like to have them give me the same courtesy.

 

I’d like to tell you that strategy works well, but in my own experience I’ve found that people who are habitual interrupters usually get annoyed when they’re asked to stop interrupting and to just listen. But if nothing else, I end up feeling better for having said something. Lol.

 

Listening first (and completely), is important. This is especially true in heated situations when anger is beginning to show itself. This is when each person has to be disciplined enough to let the other person talk. Constantly interrupting each other makes things worse not better. Talking is therapeutic and helps to let off steam and dissipate the building anger. Also, you cannot understand the other person’s position if you won’t listen to what they’re saying. For that to happen you have to let them talk and you have to listen.

 

Like Solomon said, a wise and intelligent person is able to restrain their words and keep a cool head. Even a fool is considered wise if they can manage to keep their mouth shut. It’s the unwise and foolish person who is unrestrained with their words.

 

It’s been said that since we have only one mouth and but two ears, we should listen twice as much as we speak. There’s a lot of truth and wisdom in that. We would all be a lot better off, and find ourselves in fewer heated arguments, if we would listen more and talk less.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” Proverbs 15:1

 

Our thought for today: “What you say and how you say it can either help or hurt.”

 

When it comes to maintaining healthy relationships with other people, few things are more important than good communication. How we relate to others – how we treat them, what we say to them, and how we say it, matters a lot. Studies conducted on the subject of effective interpersonal skills reveal that up to 80% of success in life is linked to how effectively you communicate with others.

 

The question isn’t whether or not you will communicate with others (you will); the question is only how effectively you will do it. Even if you’re silent or ignore them completely, you have still communicated with them and that communication, be it good or bad, has a direct impact on the quality of your relationship with that person.

 

If anger is allowed to enter into our communication with others it can have a poisonous effect and make the situation much worse. That’s why the Bible writer James cautions us to be slow to speak and slow to anger (James 1:19). Once the words are spoken, it’s hard to take them back.

 

A wise person thinks before they speak and they choose their words carefully. That’s especially important in situations where heated emotions are involved and the chance of misunderstanding and hurt is high. At a time like that your words will either help or hurt. A gentle answer can calm things down and turn anger away. A harsh word will stir things up and make the situation worse.

 

One of the greatest skills a godly man or woman can develop is the ability to express him or herself in a non-abrasive manner – especially in tense situations. We all know people who have sharp edges to their personalities and a sharp tongue to go along with those sharp edges. Add to that a short temper, and then put them around a person with thin-skin who is easily offended, and there will be a problem brewing. (By the way, sharp-tongued people and thin-skinned people are both part of the problem.)

 

As we continue to consider ways to understand and deal with the problem of anger, I want to encourage all of us to pay more attention to what we say and to how we say it. Both content and tone matter.

 

Tomorrow we will explore the issue of effective communication a little further. Are you a talker or a listener? You actually need to be both but one matters more than the other and there is a proper order.

 

God bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “A wise man is cautious and turns from evil, but a fool is easily angered and is careless. A quick-tempered man acts foolishly.” Proverbs 14:16-17

 

Our thought for today: “Be wise and make the right choice.”

 

As has already been noted, controlling your anger is a choice. It can be done. We know that to be true because in multiple places the Bible commands us to control our anger and the Bible never tells us to do something that cannot be done. Another thing we’ve already learned is that the first step to gaining control over anger is to learn more about what anger is; what causes it; and how it gets expressed.

 

In their excellent book, “The Anger Management Workbook”, Doctors Les Carter and Frank Minirth explain the five most common ways that people attempt to control their anger. Three of the ways are wrong and therefore ineffective; the other two are correct and are an effective and healthy way to deal with anger. Let me summarize all five of those ways for you:

 

1. Suppressing anger. This is probably the most common way of trying to control anger. It’s simply a matter of holding it in and pretending it doesn’t exist. Obviously this isn’t really helpful because it doesn’t deal with the anger in any constructive way; the anger is still real and present it’s just being denied.

 

1. Open aggression. This is the second most common way of dealing with anger; you’re mad and you just let it rip! There’s explosiveness, rage, intimidation, blame, harsh words, etc.

 

 

1. Passive aggression. This is the middle ground between suppressing anger and open aggression. The person isn’t in a full-blown rage, but neither is the anger really controlled. It’s subdued and slightly veiled, but the person is giving you the “evil eye”, their jaw is clenched, they’re steaming inside, there’s a hard edge to their voice, and they’re probably getting a little mean too – but all the while struggling to contain it. There’s an element of passiveness, but there is also barely contained aggression.

 

1. Assertive anger. “Assertive” anger sounds bad but isn’t. This is actually a healthy expression of anger. This is the Ephesians 4:26 way of expressing anger, “Be angry and do not sin.” Think of Jesus cleansing the temple. It’s a person responding to a situation that justifies anger, but doing it in a controlled and clear-minded manner that is not sinful in nature. This is speaking the truth in love, and then engaging in “tough love” until the situation is adequately dealt with.

 

 

1. Dropping anger. This is not suppression. Instead, it’s water off a ducks back. It’s an acknowledgement that while there might be justification for you to be miffed by what was said or done, or you might disagree with the position the other person is taking, you decide that it really isn’t all that big a deal and it doesn’t matter to you enough to do or say anything about it. So without resentment or bitterness, you simply choose to shrug it off and you really do let it go.

 

We do have a choice about how we handle anger and we obviously need to

reject choices one through three above. Assertive anger or dropping the anger is the right way to handle it. Remember, you do have a choice and you can train yourself to make the right choice.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Train yourself in godliness, for while physical training is of some value, godliness is valuable in every way, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:7-9 (NRSV)

 

Our thought for today; “Train yourself to respond to anger correctly.”

 

During my career as a Naval Officer we trained ourselves constantly for situations we hoped would never arise. We trained for battle. Over and over and over again, we practiced how we would respond in a combat situation. The object of the training was for our responses to become second nature. The reason this is so important is because in a combat situation things happen very quickly; your heart is racing; the fear factor is high; and it’s hard to think clearly. That’s when reflexes and training kick in. If you’ve been well-trained then you’ll respond correctly without even thinking about it. Your response has become second nature and it happens automatically.

 

Emergency first responders do this too. They’re so well-trained that when faced with an emergency situation, their training kicks in and their responses are automatic.

 

In yesterday’s devotional message we talked about how it is that anger sometimes flares up quickly and is on the surface before we know it, hardly giving us time to think about what to do or how to respond. But I also mentioned that since we are Biblically commanded to handle our anger in a God honoring way, it must mean that there will always be at least a brief moment of time when we do have the opportunity to make a choice about how we will handle it. But since the opportunity is often so brief, the correct response has to be something we have trained ourselves in so that it’s our default response without even giving it much thought.

 

That’s what Paul was talking about in 1 Timothy 4:7-9. We have to train ourselves in godliness. We have to practice and drill and prepare until the correct response becomes second nature.

 

One strategy I’ve used for years involves the use of index cards. If there’s a Bible verse I want to memorize, or an encouraging thought I want to remind myself of, or something else I’m trying to drive deeply into my subconscious mind, I write it on an index card and put it in my shirt pocket. Then numerous times throughout the day I pull that index card out and spend some time with that verse or thought. Do that often enough, and that verse or thought embeds itself in your subconscious mind and quickly becomes a regular part of your thought process.

 

When it comes to the subject of anger, you can record one of our Bible verses on your index card and review it hundreds or even thousands of times. Or you could write this phrase on your card:

 

“Did the person really mean this the way it sounded, and even if they did, so what? Does it really matter?”

 

If you review that question over and over again during those times when anger is not a problem, this same question will pop into your mind during that brief moment when anger is a problem and you have to make a choice about how to deal with it.

 

When it comes to handling anger in a God honoring way, you can train yourself in godly responses.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

 

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, and don’t give the Devil an opportunity.” Ephesians 4:26-27 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “You can make choices about how to handle your anger.”

 

Ephesians 4:26-27 is a revealing and instructive passage about anger. First of all, do you find it a little surprising that Paul tells us to go ahead and be angry? I believe there are two reasons for that. For one thing, as has already been discussed in a previous devotional message on this subject, sometimes anger is appropriate. There are things we should get angry about. It’s called “righteous” anger. But second, as has also already been mentioned, anger is a normal and common human emotion and sometimes it is going to flare up before we even realize its coming. Suddenly its just there.

 

Paul acknowledges here the reality of anger, but then he tells us that we have a choice about what we do with it. There are ways to deal with anger that are good and correct, as opposed to bad and sinful, “Be angry and do not sin.”

 

In their book, “The Anger Management Workbook”, Doctors Les Carter and Frank Minirth write: “Once you have learned to identify anger and understand its meaning, you can then learn to distinguish right and wrong ways of managing it. Although you may not always like the presence of your anger, you can make choices about how you handle it.”

 

Like anything else in life, learning to make good choices about how we handle our anger is a matter of learning and growing. First we take the time and make the effort to understand anger and its sources; then we train ourselves to respond to anger appropriately rather than in inappropriate ways.

 

If we agree that the emotion of anger is common and frequently present, and if we also agree that we can make choices about what we do with it once it arises, then we also have to agree that there is at least a brief moment when a choice can be made. It may be a fleeting moment, but there is at least a small window of opportunity for us. If there wasn’t, then Paul’s caution in Ephesians 4:26 would be meaningless.

 

It’s that brief window of opportunity that we want to focus in on. Tomorrow I will offer a suggestion about how that can be done.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim