Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)

 

Our thought for today: “Be willing to overlook offenses”

 

The ability to overlook and shrug off an offense is a measure of spiritual maturity. The more thin-skinned a person is, and the easier they allow themselves to be offended, the less spiritually mature that person is. As Paul writes in Galatians 5:22-23, “The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

 

“Patience”, “gentleness”, “self-control”, those are the marks of a spiritually mature man or woman who has a healthy relationship with God. Usually when a person is quick to take offense it’s because down deep that person is insecure and immature in their faith. The thought of being criticized or in any way demeaned is more than they can take and so they get angry. Conversely, the healthier the person’s self-image, the less vulnerable that person is to perceived slights and criticism. The one who truly understands their value in God’s eyes, is not easily offended by people.

 

However, it’s still true that when dealing with an emotionally heated situation it’s important not to personalize it. A conflict with another person is almost always a disagreement about ideas, opinions, or desired outcomes. Keep it on that level. Don’t allow anger to personalize the conflict by using unkind remarks and unfair observations which in any way demean the other person.

 

And if you find yourself on the receiving end of such remarks, refuse to take the bait! Remember that your value as a person comes from God’s opinion of you, not the other person’s. And the fact that the other person is allowing their anger to lead them into personalizing the conflict with unkind remarks is simply a glaring indicator of a spiritual problem on their part. Don’t descend to their level by being spiritually immature yourself.

Just because the other person chose to personalize the issue, doesn’t mean that you have to too.

 

The lesson Proverbs 19:11 teaches is that it’s admirable when a person has patience and is willing to shrug off an offense (both real and perceived offenses). It’s also a sign that that person has learned how to handle anger in a healthy and constructive way.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “The intelligent person restrains his words, and one who keeps a cool head is a man of understanding. Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent, discerning when he seals his lips.” Proverbs 17:27-28 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Constant interrupting fuels angry conversations.”

 

I’ll confess that I don’t like to be interrupted. In conversations I try to make it a point to let the other person speak first, and I try to really listen to what they’re saying without interrupting them. But then when it’s my turn to talk I expect them to give me the same courtesy and to really listen – and to keep listening until I’m done speaking. Interrupting someone is rude. It means you’re more interested in what you have to say than in what they have to say.

 

I don’t usually get angry when someone keeps interrupting, but I do get annoyed, (and that is a subtle form of anger). Usually I’ll handle it by just allowing the person to have the floor once again and to do all the talking until they run out of steam. Then I’ll try again.

 

But if they keep interrupting me then I’ll usually try to deal with their constant interruptions in a positive way. I do that by gently pointing out to them that I have patiently listened to everything they had to say and I did it without interrupting them. Now I would like to have them give me the same courtesy.

 

I’d like to tell you that strategy works well, but in my own experience I’ve found that people who are habitual interrupters usually get annoyed when they’re asked to stop interrupting and to just listen. But if nothing else, I end up feeling better for having said something. Lol.

 

Listening first (and completely), is important. This is especially true in heated situations when anger is beginning to show itself. This is when each person has to be disciplined enough to let the other person talk. Constantly interrupting each other makes things worse not better. Talking is therapeutic and helps to let off steam and dissipate the building anger. Also, you cannot understand the other person’s position if you won’t listen to what they’re saying. For that to happen you have to let them talk and you have to listen.

 

Like Solomon said, a wise and intelligent person is able to restrain their words and keep a cool head. Even a fool is considered wise if they can manage to keep their mouth shut. It’s the unwise and foolish person who is unrestrained with their words.

 

It’s been said that since we have only one mouth and but two ears, we should listen twice as much as we speak. There’s a lot of truth and wisdom in that. We would all be a lot better off, and find ourselves in fewer heated arguments, if we would listen more and talk less.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” Proverbs 15:1

 

Our thought for today: “What you say and how you say it can either help or hurt.”

 

When it comes to maintaining healthy relationships with other people, few things are more important than good communication. How we relate to others – how we treat them, what we say to them, and how we say it, matters a lot. Studies conducted on the subject of effective interpersonal skills reveal that up to 80% of success in life is linked to how effectively you communicate with others.

 

The question isn’t whether or not you will communicate with others (you will); the question is only how effectively you will do it. Even if you’re silent or ignore them completely, you have still communicated with them and that communication, be it good or bad, has a direct impact on the quality of your relationship with that person.

 

If anger is allowed to enter into our communication with others it can have a poisonous effect and make the situation much worse. That’s why the Bible writer James cautions us to be slow to speak and slow to anger (James 1:19). Once the words are spoken, it’s hard to take them back.

 

A wise person thinks before they speak and they choose their words carefully. That’s especially important in situations where heated emotions are involved and the chance of misunderstanding and hurt is high. At a time like that your words will either help or hurt. A gentle answer can calm things down and turn anger away. A harsh word will stir things up and make the situation worse.

 

One of the greatest skills a godly man or woman can develop is the ability to express him or herself in a non-abrasive manner – especially in tense situations. We all know people who have sharp edges to their personalities and a sharp tongue to go along with those sharp edges. Add to that a short temper, and then put them around a person with thin-skin who is easily offended, and there will be a problem brewing. (By the way, sharp-tongued people and thin-skinned people are both part of the problem.)

 

As we continue to consider ways to understand and deal with the problem of anger, I want to encourage all of us to pay more attention to what we say and to how we say it. Both content and tone matter.

 

Tomorrow we will explore the issue of effective communication a little further. Are you a talker or a listener? You actually need to be both but one matters more than the other and there is a proper order.

 

God bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “A wise man is cautious and turns from evil, but a fool is easily angered and is careless. A quick-tempered man acts foolishly.” Proverbs 14:16-17

 

Our thought for today: “Be wise and make the right choice.”

 

As has already been noted, controlling your anger is a choice. It can be done. We know that to be true because in multiple places the Bible commands us to control our anger and the Bible never tells us to do something that cannot be done. Another thing we’ve already learned is that the first step to gaining control over anger is to learn more about what anger is; what causes it; and how it gets expressed.

 

In their excellent book, “The Anger Management Workbook”, Doctors Les Carter and Frank Minirth explain the five most common ways that people attempt to control their anger. Three of the ways are wrong and therefore ineffective; the other two are correct and are an effective and healthy way to deal with anger. Let me summarize all five of those ways for you:

 

1. Suppressing anger. This is probably the most common way of trying to control anger. It’s simply a matter of holding it in and pretending it doesn’t exist. Obviously this isn’t really helpful because it doesn’t deal with the anger in any constructive way; the anger is still real and present it’s just being denied.

 

1. Open aggression. This is the second most common way of dealing with anger; you’re mad and you just let it rip! There’s explosiveness, rage, intimidation, blame, harsh words, etc.

 

 

1. Passive aggression. This is the middle ground between suppressing anger and open aggression. The person isn’t in a full-blown rage, but neither is the anger really controlled. It’s subdued and slightly veiled, but the person is giving you the “evil eye”, their jaw is clenched, they’re steaming inside, there’s a hard edge to their voice, and they’re probably getting a little mean too – but all the while struggling to contain it. There’s an element of passiveness, but there is also barely contained aggression.

 

1. Assertive anger. “Assertive” anger sounds bad but isn’t. This is actually a healthy expression of anger. This is the Ephesians 4:26 way of expressing anger, “Be angry and do not sin.” Think of Jesus cleansing the temple. It’s a person responding to a situation that justifies anger, but doing it in a controlled and clear-minded manner that is not sinful in nature. This is speaking the truth in love, and then engaging in “tough love” until the situation is adequately dealt with.

 

 

1. Dropping anger. This is not suppression. Instead, it’s water off a ducks back. It’s an acknowledgement that while there might be justification for you to be miffed by what was said or done, or you might disagree with the position the other person is taking, you decide that it really isn’t all that big a deal and it doesn’t matter to you enough to do or say anything about it. So without resentment or bitterness, you simply choose to shrug it off and you really do let it go.

 

We do have a choice about how we handle anger and we obviously need to

reject choices one through three above. Assertive anger or dropping the anger is the right way to handle it. Remember, you do have a choice and you can train yourself to make the right choice.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Train yourself in godliness, for while physical training is of some value, godliness is valuable in every way, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:7-9 (NRSV)

 

Our thought for today; “Train yourself to respond to anger correctly.”

 

During my career as a Naval Officer we trained ourselves constantly for situations we hoped would never arise. We trained for battle. Over and over and over again, we practiced how we would respond in a combat situation. The object of the training was for our responses to become second nature. The reason this is so important is because in a combat situation things happen very quickly; your heart is racing; the fear factor is high; and it’s hard to think clearly. That’s when reflexes and training kick in. If you’ve been well-trained then you’ll respond correctly without even thinking about it. Your response has become second nature and it happens automatically.

 

Emergency first responders do this too. They’re so well-trained that when faced with an emergency situation, their training kicks in and their responses are automatic.

 

In yesterday’s devotional message we talked about how it is that anger sometimes flares up quickly and is on the surface before we know it, hardly giving us time to think about what to do or how to respond. But I also mentioned that since we are Biblically commanded to handle our anger in a God honoring way, it must mean that there will always be at least a brief moment of time when we do have the opportunity to make a choice about how we will handle it. But since the opportunity is often so brief, the correct response has to be something we have trained ourselves in so that it’s our default response without even giving it much thought.

 

That’s what Paul was talking about in 1 Timothy 4:7-9. We have to train ourselves in godliness. We have to practice and drill and prepare until the correct response becomes second nature.

 

One strategy I’ve used for years involves the use of index cards. If there’s a Bible verse I want to memorize, or an encouraging thought I want to remind myself of, or something else I’m trying to drive deeply into my subconscious mind, I write it on an index card and put it in my shirt pocket. Then numerous times throughout the day I pull that index card out and spend some time with that verse or thought. Do that often enough, and that verse or thought embeds itself in your subconscious mind and quickly becomes a regular part of your thought process.

 

When it comes to the subject of anger, you can record one of our Bible verses on your index card and review it hundreds or even thousands of times. Or you could write this phrase on your card:

 

“Did the person really mean this the way it sounded, and even if they did, so what? Does it really matter?”

 

If you review that question over and over again during those times when anger is not a problem, this same question will pop into your mind during that brief moment when anger is a problem and you have to make a choice about how to deal with it.

 

When it comes to handling anger in a God honoring way, you can train yourself in godly responses.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

 

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, and don’t give the Devil an opportunity.” Ephesians 4:26-27 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “You can make choices about how to handle your anger.”

 

Ephesians 4:26-27 is a revealing and instructive passage about anger. First of all, do you find it a little surprising that Paul tells us to go ahead and be angry? I believe there are two reasons for that. For one thing, as has already been discussed in a previous devotional message on this subject, sometimes anger is appropriate. There are things we should get angry about. It’s called “righteous” anger. But second, as has also already been mentioned, anger is a normal and common human emotion and sometimes it is going to flare up before we even realize its coming. Suddenly its just there.

 

Paul acknowledges here the reality of anger, but then he tells us that we have a choice about what we do with it. There are ways to deal with anger that are good and correct, as opposed to bad and sinful, “Be angry and do not sin.”

 

In their book, “The Anger Management Workbook”, Doctors Les Carter and Frank Minirth write: “Once you have learned to identify anger and understand its meaning, you can then learn to distinguish right and wrong ways of managing it. Although you may not always like the presence of your anger, you can make choices about how you handle it.”

 

Like anything else in life, learning to make good choices about how we handle our anger is a matter of learning and growing. First we take the time and make the effort to understand anger and its sources; then we train ourselves to respond to anger appropriately rather than in inappropriate ways.

 

If we agree that the emotion of anger is common and frequently present, and if we also agree that we can make choices about what we do with it once it arises, then we also have to agree that there is at least a brief moment when a choice can be made. It may be a fleeting moment, but there is at least a small window of opportunity for us. If there wasn’t, then Paul’s caution in Ephesians 4:26 would be meaningless.

 

It’s that brief window of opportunity that we want to focus in on. Tomorrow I will offer a suggestion about how that can be done.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “And my God will supply all of your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Look to God not to people.”

 

One of the primary reasons we get angry to begin with is fear, and it almost always involves other people. Someone says or does something that creates a sense of fear in us and we get angry about it. Not necessarily a shaking in your boots, wetting your pants kind of fear – although it could be that. Usually our fear takes other, more subtle forms and it often results in us getting angry.

 

Usually it’s something like, a person made a critical comment about you and you fear that it makes you look bad in the eyes of others, so you get angry. Or maybe you have lost your job and you are fearful about how you are going to pay your bills, and so you get angry. Or somebody cut in front of you in line at the store and you fear you are now going to have to wait even longer and maybe miss your next appointment, so you get angry. And on it goes.

 

Fear of loss, fear of harm, fear of being diminished in the eyes of others, fear of being treated unjustly, fear of … well, fear of all sorts of things is frequently the spark that ignites our anger.

 

Do you see the two common elements present in all of those situations? It’s you and other people. In every case the fear, and the resulting anger, involves the words or actions of other people and your response to them. That means that your anger is tied to what other people think, say, and do. Essentially, they own you. They control you.

 

The problem is that you’re focusing on other people instead of on God. You are acting as if other people control your destiny. In your mind it’s their words about you or their actions towards you that matter. You will be happy or sad (or angry), depending on whether other people are nice to you or mean to you. You think you will be able to pay the rent and buy groceries if your boss lets you keep your job, and you will be holding a sign and begging for dollar bills on a street corner if he doesn’t. In all those cases the focus is on what other people think, say, or do.

 

But in Philippians 4:19 the Apostle Paul says that God is the one who can and will provide for us and meet all our needs, not other people. Not only is God the source of our physical provisions (see Matthew 6:25-34), but He is also our source of peace and comfort (Matthew 11:28-30), and He is the one who determines our value as an individual and our worth as a person (Matthew 10:31).  God is the source of everything we need whether it is physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual in nature.

 

So take your eyes off of other people. Pay less attention to what they think, say, and do, and more attention to what God thinks, says, and does. Doing so will greatly lessen your fear factor and it will go a long, long way toward eliminating sources of anger.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Better a dry crust with peace than a house full of feasting with strife.” Proverbs 17:1 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Anger isn’t worth it.”

 

In the first few devotional messages for this month we’ve established that everyone struggles with anger in some form. We all express anger in some manner, be it overt or subtle, and if we’re honest about it we will admit that it is a problem and it is almost never helpful or good.

 

That realization should cause us to want to do something about it. If most human expressions of anger are negative and lead to unhappy consequences, then our goal should be to gain control over it and to minimize the damage. So today I want to begin considering some of the impacts of improperly expressed anger. Then we will move into a discussion of how to deal with it.

 

Proverbs 17:1 is just one rendering of a common Biblical theme which helps us to understand that anger is almost always self-defeating. In this case Solomon expresses that truth with the thought that a simple crust of bread, consumed in a peaceful setting, will be much more enjoyable than a buffet of delicious food but where everyone is fighting and arguing.

 

The fact is that anger is emotionally draining. Not only does it fill your mind with negative thoughts which in turn poison your attitude, but anger drains away your emotional energy and leaves you physically exhausted. And the more time you spend being angry, the more it robs you of your peace of mind and of your physical energy.

 

Many years ago my wife Linda and I came to the point in our marriage where we both just gradually grew weary of being mad all the time and of the constant arguing and bickering. It was just tiring. Finally we both came to the conclusion that most of the things we argued about really didn’t matter that much and weren’t worth the emotional cost we were paying.

 

So we just stopped. It wasn’t worth it. We each came to the point that we would rather have peace than to have our way, and so the minor irritations and annoyances became water off a ducks back. And that was the point when our marriage turned an important corner and suddenly began getting better by leaps and bounds.

 

With the exception of “righteous anger” (which we discussed the other day), anger isn’t worth it. Most things we get mad about aren’t really that important and the cost of being angry is just too high.

 

Tomorrow we will consider some of the reasons that we tend to get angry.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for man’s anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness.” James 1:19-20 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Do your thoughts, words, and deeds honor God?”

 

Today I want to return to our discussion about the more subtle expressions of anger which we began to consider the other day.

 

In the book, “The Anger Management Workbook”, Dr. Les Carter tells of a counseling session he had with a man whose wife was prone to outbursts of anger. The man was convinced that his wife was the one with the anger management problem but Dr. Carter helped him to see that in his own way, he too struggled with anger – he just expressed it in different ways.

 

To help illustrate this point, below I’m including some items from a longer inventory list that Dr. Carter offers in the book designed to help us recognize some of the more subtle expressions of anger. See how many of these apply to you, but do so while keeping the thought from James 1:19-20 in mind: do these subtle expressions of anger accomplish or diminish God’s righteousness in you?

 

• Impatience comes over me more frequently than I would like.
• I nurture critical thoughts quite easily.
• When I am displeased with someone I may shut down any communication or withdraw.
• I feel inwardly annoyed when family and friends do not comprehend my needs.
• I feel frustrated when I see someone else having fewer struggles than I do.
• Sometimes I walk in the other direction to avoid seeing someone I don’t like.
• When I talk about my irritations I don’t really want to hear an opposite point of view.
• I do not easily forget when someone does me wrong.
• Sometimes my discouragement makes me want to quit.
• I struggle emotionally with the things in life that are not fair.
• I sometimes blame others for my problems.
• At times I struggle with moods of depression or discouragement.
• I have been known to take an “I don’t care” attitude toward the needs of others.

 

The list in the book is longer but you get the idea. So, how many of those items apply to you? Can you see now that the expression of anger entails more than just outbursts of rage, and that none of those attitudes or actions (even the subtle ones), help to accomplish the righteousness of God?

 

 

We all have anger control issues in some respect, and improperly expressed anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness in us.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Anger”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Jesus went into the temple complex and drove out all those buying and selling in the temple. He overturned the money changers’ tables and the chairs of those selling doves.” Matthew 21:12 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Sometimes we should be angry.”

 

Most of what we’ll talk about this month will pertain to inappropriate expressions of anger, along with the damage uncontrolled anger causes and how to get better control over our anger. However sometimes anger is justified. Sometimes anger is even good and necessary. There are some things that should make us mad and which should move us to take action.

 

Few things will get my blood boiling faster or hotter than child abuse. We should get angry at those who would abuse a child, and our anger should move us to take the action necessary to protect the child.

 

The slaughter of thousands upon thousands of innocent Christian men, women, and children in Iraq and Syria by the terrorists of ISIS is infuriating and moves me to demand that our government take action to intervene and protect those innocents.

 

In Matthew 21:12 we read about the time that Jesus entered the temple complex in Jerusalem and found the merchants profaning God’s holy temple by using it as a marketplace. He was angry enough to storm through the place, turning over tables and driving the merchants and their animals out.

 

What we’re talking about here is “righteous” anger. It’s an expression of anger that is right, it is good, it is justified, and it is necessary. Also, it is under control. This isn’t a person storming around in a blind rage. This is someone who is in full control of their emotions. Their thinking is clear, their actions are under control, and they are proceeding with a determined purpose to address an evil situation that cannot be allowed to continue.

 

Jesus was an expert at righteous anger. There are several other incidents recorded for us in the New Testament of Him being righteously angry. Unfortunately, we’re not nearly as good at it as He is. Even in those cases where anger is justified and appropriate, if we aren’t careful it can still get the better of us. In the New Testament we are repeatedly cautioned to guard against anger.

 

I wanted to include this thought, right at the beginning of our monthly series on anger, to make the point that not all anger is bad. There are times when it would be wrong if we did not get angry. But we need to be careful here. Anger is such a volatile human emotion, and therefore so hard to control, that in those cases when it is justified we must be sure we keep it fully surrendered to, and under the control of, the Holy Spirit.

Some things should make us angry. But we must look to the Holy Spirit to help us know when to get angry, and how to express that anger in a righteous manner that honors God.

 

God Bless,

Pastor Jim