Devotional for Monday September 15th

Good Morning Everyone,

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

Our Bible verse for today: “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

Our thought for today: “Some people cannot be allowed into our lives.”

So far this month we’ve learned why boundaries are important and we’ve learned about different types of boundaries. We’ve also been considering various strategies for developing and maintaining good boundaries. Today I want us to consider the most drastic and probably the most effective type of boundary and that is, distance.

The sad truth is that some people simply cannot be allowed into our lives. In some cases the only effective boundary is geography – we have to make them go away and stay away. For example, simply as a matter of safety a woman in an abusive relationship has to make the man get out and stay out. In such cases a safe boundary requires distance.

When I work with the men in the jails whose problems stem primarily from drug addiction, I always explain to them that once we get them out of jail we have to get them into a brand new environment and keep them surrounded with people who do not use drugs. If they return to their old surroundings, filled with their old drug using friends, they will quickly return to their old habits. Again in this case, the appropriate and most effective boundary is geography. We have to create a substantial amount of distance between them and their old environment.

In 1 Corinthians 15:33 Paul cautions us regarding a basic truism of human nature: “We become like those we associate with.” Over time you will be influenced by and become like those you spend the most time with. If you spend enough time with bank robbers, soon you will probably be robbing banks too. If the people around you commonly use profanity, before long you probably will too. If your child is hanging around with the troublemakers at school and now he is starting to be a troublemaker too, it’s time from him to get some new friends. Again in those cases a boundary has to be created and maintained which removes those people from your life.

It’s sad and it can seem to be a drastic measure, but sometimes there are people who simply cannot be allowed into our lives. In those cases the appropriate boundary is a geographic one, we have to make them go away.

God Bless,
Pastor Jim

Devotional for Saturday and Sunday September 13-14

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these.” 1 Timothy 6:6-8 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Sometimes we need to downsize and simplify”

 

More often than not, when we feel as if our lives are as full as they can be and are actually overflowing, it’s because we haven’t established and maintained good boundaries. Very often the reason that happens is because we have become caught in the trap of believing that if a little of something is good, then more is even better. But the truth is, more is often not better. Many times more turns out to be too much.

 

If a full-time job of 40 hours per week is good, then 60 hours per week is even better, right? We could easily think so simply because 60 hours of work probably produces more income than 40 hours does. But working 60 hours will also substantially impact our overall quality of life. It will leave us tired; it will take away from our family time; it will reduce the time we have for rest, recreation, and renewal; it may interfere with our exercise routine (I’m preaching to myself here).

 

If having our children involved in Little League and karate is good, then having them involved in Little League, karate, gymnastics, and music classes is even better, right? Well, probably not. That kind of a schedule will wear out both the kids involved in them, and the parents who have to take them to all those events.

 

The point is that many times more is not better, more is often too much. Frequently the best answer is to simplify and downsize. If we work fewer hours we may end up with a smaller income, a smaller house, an older car, and shorter vacations, but we will also end up with more family time, more rest, better physical health, and more time for church activities (Amen! Said the pastor writing this.)

 

Many years ago Richard Foster wrote a wonderful little book entitled “The Freedom of Simplicity”. In it he makes the case for the very thing Paul calls for in the verses from 1 Timothy cited above. Foster maintains that when we simplify our lives and learn to be content with less instead of more, we suddenly discover a sense of freedom that we never experienced before. We come to realize that we had actually been held captive by our complex lives of packed schedules, never ending demands, and huge financial burdens. Breaking free from that is liberating. We may end up with less money and fewer possessions, but the quality of life actually improves substantially.

 

It’s true, godliness with contentment can be a great gain for us. Sometimes we need to simplify our lives by downsizing.

 

God Bless,
Pastor Jim

Devotional for Friday September 12th

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Proverbs 13:24 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Enforcing boundaries is an important part of loving someone”

 

Many years ago Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family coined the phrase “Tough Love”. Tough Love is a parenting concept which teaches that when we love someone we sometimes must be tough with them for their own good. With respect to children, they need firm boundaries in order to learn right from wrong, and they need to experience discipline when they violate those boundaries. If the parent fails to discipline the child when needed, the parent has failed in their role as teacher, mentor, and trainer. Sometimes tough love is the highest form of love.

 

But the concept of tough love doesn’t just apply to the parent/child relationship. It actually spans the spectrum of relationships and ages. Whether we’re dealing with a minor child, an adult child, a spouse, a relative, a friend, or a co-worker, sometimes tough love is needed, and failure on our part to initiate that tough love translates into enabling bad behavior.

 

In recent years I’ve been devoting a lot of time to working with men in various levels of incarceration, helping them to break free from the endless cycle of drugs, crime, jail, and then repeating the sequence. Currently I’m reading a book by Donald Smarto entitled “Keeping Ex-Offenders Free!” In one section he writes about applying “tough love” in our efforts to help ex-offenders get their lives turned around:

 

“The type of structure the church needs to provide ex-offenders is not unlike that provided by parental authority. Love must nurture and understand, but it must also provide boundaries, limits, and standards. The parent who never communicates values to the child, who never says no, is not helping the child grow. Without guidelines, the child drifts into an environment without boundaries and fails to develop mature values and a sense of responsibility.”

 

Smarto concludes with this: “Real love for ex-offenders must include discipline. But discipline does not concern itself merely with punishment. That is a common misconception. The word discipline has at its root the word disciple, which means to show people the right way through example and modeling.”

 

Regardless of the relationship we’re talking about, clear and firmly established boundaries, the enforcement of those boundaries, and appropriate consequences when those boundaries have been violated, is actually one of the highest forms of loving someone. For us to do less for them is to fail them.

 

God Bless,
Pastor Jim

Devotional for Thursday September 11th

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 4:1-2 (NIV)

 

Our thought for today: “Boundaries are Biblical”

 

The idea of establishing and maintaining good and appropriate boundaries is Biblical and is woven all throughout Scripture. God Himself is a God of boundaries. In the Bible He defines for us exactly who and what He is, and what He is not. He is holy, which means He is not unholy. He is light, and therefore He is not darkness. He also tells us what is acceptable to Him and what is not. Righteous behavior is acceptable but sinfulness is not. Sincere and genuine worship pleases Him but empty religious ritual does not.

 

This is the God who also created the universe and established its limits. He is the one who created the boundaries for the oceans, and the limits of physics. In short, boundaries are good and needed. The idea of boundaries comes from God Himself.

 

That being the case – since good and appropriate boundaries were God’s idea to begin with, it is essential that our lives to be lived within good boundaries. We need proper boundaries to govern our personal conduct, and we need appropriate boundaries for the conduct of others when their conduct impacts our lives. We even need to establish appropriate boundaries for things such as sleep, recreation, work, and more. How much is enough, how much is too little, and how much is too much? In our society today we even need to have personal nutritional boundaries. Again, how many calories are enough and how many are too much? How much junk food is ok, and when have we crossed the line into overindulging?

 

I’m not suggesting that we should become compulsive about structure, rules, and guidelines – although most of us could probably benefit from being just a little OCD in this respect. My point is that boundaries are important. They are good and needed and even Biblical. Boundaries are God’s idea.

 

God Bless,
Pastor Jim

Devotional for Wednesday September 10th

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (HCSB)  “For each person will have to carry his own load.” Galatians 6:5

 

Our thought for today: “There is a difference between being responsible “to” another person, and being responsible “for” another person.”

 

This morning I want to continue our subject from yesterday regarding how much we are to buy into other people’s problems. This is important because it’s often a matter of confusion for many Christians. Many times we are so eager to help others – over-eager even, that we cross the line into enabling bad behavior or carrying burdens for people that they really should be carrying for themselves. And, unfortunately, there are those who are more than happy for us to carry their burdens for them.

 

Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer some helpful advice about this in their book “Boundaries”. In a section of the book which helps to clarify the difference between being responsible “to” someone and being responsible “for” someone, they discuss the apparent contradiction we find in what Paul wrote in the verses from Galatians chapter six cited above. They write:

 

“We are responsible to others and for ourselves. “Carry one another’s burdens,’ says Galatians 6:2, ‘in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” This verse shows our responsibility “to” one another.”

 

What that means is that sometimes people have burdens that are too big for them to bear alone. They don’t have enough strength, or resources, or knowledge to carry that load themselves and therefore they need a little help for a little while. This is something they simply cannot do alone and therefore in such cases, our assistance is not only appropriate, but it is also a demonstration of the love of Christ.

 

But then on the other hand, verse five tells us that each person is also responsible for carrying their own load. This means that there are burdens and problems that are first of all the responsibility of that individual, and secondly, that they are within that person’s ability to deal with on their own. That person does or should have the strength, resources, and knowledge to handle this and therefore they should handle it for themselves. If a person is capable of handling an issue or problem themselves, but you and I step in and handle it for them or we provide them more assistance than is appropriate, we have crossed the line into enabling.

 

At different times each of us encounters situations in life that we simply cannot handle alone. That’s where our responsibility “to” each other kicks in. We are to help one another carry those burdens. But most of the difficulties people encounter in life don’t fall into that category. Most of the things most people face are things they can handle themselves and therefore they should. That’s what verse five means. We are responsible “for” ourselves and we should each be carrying our own load to the greatest extent possible.

 

God Bless,
Pastor Jim

Devotional for Tuesday September 9th

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

 

Our thought for today: “We must have boundaries to protect our heart.”

 

In their book “Boundaries” Henry Cloud and John Townsend help us to understand what a boundary looks like and when one is needed. They write of how physical boundaries are easily discernable because they are visible. So whether we’re talking about a fence, a wall, a hedge, or a moat filled with alligators, it’s easy to determine where the boundary is and whether or not it’s ok to cross it.

 

Spiritual boundaries are a little tougher to discern but can actually be even more important than physical ones. Take the heart for example. In Proverbs 4:23 Solomon warns us of the need to guard it. We have to erect boundaries and make decisions about who or what gets into our heart, and then how deeply.

 

In one section of the book they write about knowing the difference between “Me and Not Me”. They explain that a good boundary helps me to understand where I end and where someone else begins. It helps me to know what issues and problems I do own, and therefore am responsible for, and what is not mine. 

 

This doesn’t mean that we don’t care and it doesn’t mean that we won’t help. But we all know people who do in fact want us to own their problems. They want us to buy into and even take responsibility for their stuff. But that’s where the distinction between “Me and Not Me” becomes so important. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours. I can help you with your problems and you can help me with mine, but we each need to own what is ours.

 

Such boundaries give us the freedom to say, “I love you and I care about you, and I will even help you (to a reasonable degree and without crossing the line into enabling bad behavior), but I cannot live your life for you and I will not own your problems.”

 

Make sure you guard your heart because it is the spring from which all of the rest of life flows. When we allow people and their issues into our heart we quickly become involved at an emotional level. That’s ok, to a degree. But we do need to be smart about who we will allow in like that, and how deeply. Remember, no matter how much you love someone and how much you care about them (and even in those cases where some help is appropriate) you can’t live their life for them and you should not own their problems.

 

God Bless,
Pastor Jim

Devotional for Monday September 8th

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “Losing your sense of humor is a warning sign”

 

In his book “The Insanity of God” author Nik Ripkin writes about what it’s like for missionaries who minister for long periods of time in dangerous locations. He explains that a hostile environment and difficult circumstances take a toll on those serving there and over time, those missionaries begin to burn out.  Those who have been appointed to lead and supervise missionaries in those situations have been trained to watch for certain clues which help to reveal that the missionary is reaching a condition of overload and is in need of relief. One of those clues is humor. When a person begins to lose their sense of humor, when they can no longer smile and laugh, it’s time for a break. Nik writes:

 

“Humor is a powerful indicator of psychological health… When our workers found it impossible to see and respond to humor, it was clear that they were in serious need of emotional relief and healing. When that happened, it was time to retreat and recover.”

 

The same is true for us. When the pressures of life get to the point that we become grumpy, snippy, even depressed; when we can no longer laugh at ourselves and our situations; when smiling becomes an effort and nothing seems funny anymore; it’s time for some emotional relief.

 

You may not feel like a break is possible. You might think you don’t have the time, or the money, or someone to watch the kids or to take care of your responsibilities for you. But the truth is that you have to find a way to take that break anyway. Because if you don’t, you could end up like those missionaries who were so stressed and drained that they could no longer care for others. When it gets to that point, if you don’t take a break and take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of others. 
When your sense of humor starts to go, that’s a pretty good clue that you’ve had all you can take and it’s time for a break.

 

God Bless,
Pastor Jim

Devotional for Wednesday September 3rd

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

 

Our thought for today: “We need peace and quiet”

 

One of the greatest needs for most Christians today is periods of simple peace and quiet. For most of us, life is seldom truly peaceful and quiet. The alarm goes off, we pop out of bed, and we’re off to the races. Our days are usually filled with jobs and school and chores and plenty of demands and expectations placed on us by others.

 

Several years ago I wrote an article entitled “Room for the Singing of Angels” (you can read it at http://www.JimMersereauBooks.com). In that article I explained that many Christians fill their lives right to the outer edges with as much activity as they can possibly squeeze in, often even spilling over beyond what they can really handle. Instead of allowing that, I argue for intentionally establishing a buffer zone of quiet inactivity. In other words, all the activity needs to stop well short of the outer edges of your life, and between the end of activity and the outer edge, there needs to be a buffer zone of quiet and peace and rest.

 

And then there’s the issue of noise. We live in a noisy world – much of it of our own making. In many households the television or radio comes on almost as soon as we get out of the bed. In the car, more noise. At work, more still. When was the last time you experienced real quietness? I’m talking about a deep and profound stillness where no manmade noise can be heard.

 

We need this. More than we realize. That’s why in Psalm 46:10 God tells us to stop all the activity, turn off all the noise, and just be still. He doesn’t want us to do anything, He doesn’t want us to say anything, He just wants us to be quiet – just be still and sit there with Him for a while.

 

When it comes to establishing appropriate boundaries in our lives, we have to be very intentional and very firm about making the activity and the noise stop for a while. We need peace and quiet. We need to be still and know that He is God.

 

God Bless,
Pastor Jim

Devotional for Tuesday September 2nd

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” Psalm 16:6 (HCSB)

 

Our thought for today: “God will help us to find the right balance.”

 

King David was a contented man. As he considered his life he decided that he truly was blessed and the boundary lines of his life, which God has established, were pleasant to him. If you go back to verse five you will find that David affirmed that it was God Himself who was his portion, his blessing, and it was God who held David’s future. It was all from God.

 

This is an important understanding for us. It is God who establishes the proper boundaries for our lives. And I’m not just talking about Biblical boundaries. While it’s certainly true that the Bible provides us with the boundary lines for living a holy life, in this case David was referring to more than that. His family, the profession he was employed in, the income he enjoyed, the possessions he owned, the skills and abilities he had, all of it was an inheritance from the Lord and he was happy with it.

 

The truth is that God has a life sketched out for each of us that is defined by boundary lines He Himself decided would be good and appropriate for us. The problem is that many of us don’t seek out, and then remain content with, the life God wants for us. Either we’re lazy and we don’t fulfill our God-given potential, or we’re not content and so we strive and strain and constantly reach for more and more and more.

 

The key is to live within the God-ordained boundaries for our lives. This takes wisdom. It comes through prayer and from the counsel of wise friends and mentors. It also requires that we learn to be content with whatever God wants for us. For some of us that will involve ramping it up and getting off our duffs. But for most of us it will probably involve backing it down a bit, perhaps downsizing and simplifying our lives.

 

Throughout this month we’re considering the issue of the God-ordained boundaries for our individual lives and we’ll explore different ways to discover and achieve them. But as a starting point, we need to be in prayer asking God to help us see those boundaries which He has chosen for us. We will be happiest when we are able to say along with David, “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.”

 

God Bless,
Pastor Jim

Devotional for Monday September 1, 2014

Good Morning Everyone,

 

Our theme for this month: “Boundaries”

 

Our Bible verse for today: “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and every creature that crawls on the earth.” Genesis 1:28

 

Our thought for today: “We must establish reasonable boundaries for our life.”

 

Ok admit it, how often have you felt like (and acted as if) Genesis 1:28 was your personal responsibility? Seriously, do you live as if the sun won’t rise without your personal involvement? Do you act as if you are personally responsible for every thing, every one, every task, and that somewhere in the world there may be fish in the sea or birds in the sky that are missing your personal attention? Most of us would say “no” to that, but the way we live our lives appears to tell a different story.

 

Most people today are stretched way too thin in terms of demands on their time and the amount of activities and responsibilities we have crammed into our lives. The result is a population of people who feel hassled and harried, discontent and often unhappy – and tired. It’s amazing, really, that in the most technologically advanced society that has ever existed, enjoying the highest standard of living that any society has ever had we also have one of the highest percentages of our population on anti-depressant medications of any nation in the world. How can people have so much and still be so stressed, so tired, and so unhappy? Most of us need to gain better control over our lives.

 

In their wonderful and helpful book “Boundaries” Henry Cloud and John Townsend write, “Part of taking responsibility or ownership, is knowing what is our job and what isn’t … It takes wisdom to know what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t. We can’t do everything.”

 

Many of us need to take drastic steps to slow down and simplify our lives. We need to learn to say “no” more often. Yes, sometimes your boss needs to hear you say “No, I can’t work that overtime”. Sometimes our adult children have to be told “Ok, that’s it, enough is enough”. Sometimes the PTA project needs to be led by someone else. And, well, you get the idea.

 

This month we’re going to devotionally consider how we can establish and maintain proper boundaries in our lives. And as we will see, doing so is Biblical. The old saying is still true, “God created us to be human “beings” not human “doings” “. We the people of God have to learn to establish proper boundaries in our lives. I look forward to exploring this subject with you.

 

God Bless,
Pastor Jim